At Wit's End
by DecisiveEmuVictory
Summary: Third in a series. Everyone's going to save Jack from the Locker and people are starting to get tired of Bailey's moping and sad violin playing
1. Singapore

**A/N: Hey, I would just like to say that I really appreciate the reviews you guys write! Every time I read a new one it totally makes my day.**

**Another note: It's hard to get the timeline to make sense with these things (like in canon apparently the crew of the Pearl made not one but several transatlantic trips during the time between CotBP and DMC? what?) but anyway the point is this part of the story begins about a month after the previous part ended.**

**OH ONE MORE THING im sorry  
apparently lian has actual speaking parts outside of the film itself (in the video game and one of the novels) but i haven't been able to play/read either of these things so i apologize for any mischaracterization! i am basically taking what's in the movie and flying by the seat of my pants here**

There was the crashing sound of something big and heavy falling over and breaking. "What was that?"

"I don't know," Will called back. "A stone tablet."

Barbossa had instructed Will to break into Sao Feng's uncle's tomb to retrieve the navigational charts stored there. Apparently Sao Feng was kind of a scary and easily offended guy, and Barbossa didn't trust me to behave myself, so I was forced to tag along with Will. I didn't mind, because I didn't trust Will not to fuck everything up. And I was right.

"Will!" I smacked my forehead. "That was probably, like, a tombstone or something!"

"Why didn't you tell me that before?" said Will.

"I didn't expect you to go stumble around like a bull in a china shop! Golly. We may be robbing the guy's tomb, but we don't have to desecrate it."

Will came out holding the charts just as a bunch of Sao Feng's men surrounded us. Will put the charts down, and we raised our hands in surrender.

"I can explain," I said. "He did it." I pointed at Will.

"It's almost like Jack never died," said Will sourly as the men seized us. "You're starting to act just like him."

"Aw, that warms my cockles."

"It wasn't a compliment."

"I know, I was just about to remark on your increasing resemblance to a huge, man-shaped turd!"

"Silence!" one of Sao Feng's men grunted.

They brought us to Sao Feng's bathhouse and tied each of us up with our arms flung across a long, thick log-but not before searching us thoroughly and confiscating our weapons, my pants, and my violin. Having to take off my pants was annoying and really, really creepy and uncomfortable, but the violin...it was all I had left of Jack, and they just. Took it. I did manage to kick the guy who took it from me right in the face, though. He responded by slapping me, which left a stinging splotch on my cheek, but he had a bloody nose, so I think I won.

* * *

They hoisted us out of the water. Choking and spitting out water, I gasped for breath, as did Will.

"These are the thieves," Sao Feng declared. "Are their faces familiar to you?"

Elizabeth and Barbossa shook their heads.

"Then I guess," said Sao Feng, "they have no further need for them." He pulled out some sort of weapon. I'm not sure what it was, exactly, but it was pointy and sure didn't look like something I didn't want anywhere near my face, and it didn't look like Will wanted it near his, either. Sao Feng moved as if to shove the thing into Will's face, and Elizabeth squeaked with fright and covered her mouth.

"You come into my city and you betray my hospitality..." said Sao Feng, not sounding pleased.

Meanwhile, Barbossa was still trying to salvage the situation. "Sao Feng, I assure you, I had no idea-"

"THAT HE WOULD GET CAUGHT?" Sao Feng yelled right in Barbossa's face. "You intend to attempt a voyage to Davy Jones Locker, but I cannot help but wonder. Why?"

Barbossa threw a coin at Sao Feng. "The song has been sung," Barbossa said. "The time is upon us. We must convene the Brethren court. As one of the nine pirate lords, you must honour the call."

Sao Feng turned to one of his handmaidens. "More steam." The woman pulled the lever. Nothing happened. "More steam!" She flapped her arms a little helplessly and tried to pull it again.

"There is a price on all our heads. It is true. It seems the only way a pirate can turn profit anymore is by betraying other pirates," said Sao Feng.

"The first Brethren court gave us rule of the seas. Now that rule is being challenged by Lord Cutler Beckett."

"Against the East India Trading Company, what value is the Brethren court? What can any of us do?"

Elizabeth leapt forward angrily. "You can fight!" One of Sao Feng's men tried to grab her but she shrugged him off. "Get off me! You are Sao Feng, the pirate lord of Singapore. Would you have that era come to an end on your watch? The most notorious pirates from around the world are uniting against our enemy," she seethed, "and yet you sit here cowering in your bath water!"

Sao Feng regarded Liz with interest. A little too much interest, if you ask me. "Elizabeth Swann," he said softly. "There is more to you than meets the eye, isn't there? And the eye...does not go wanting." Will was struggling in his restraints, clearly not liking the way Sao Feng was looking at her either. "But I cannot help but notice...you have failed to answer my question. What is it you seek in Davy Jones Locker?"

"Jack Sparrow," said Will. The handmaids giggled. Christ, is there anywhere in the world you can go without running into one of Jack's conquests? "He's one of the pirate lords."

Sao Feng's voice started out in a normal tone and quickly climbed to a furious yell. "The only reason I would want Jack Sparrow returned from the land of the dead...is so I could send him back myself!" He kicked something over in his frustration.

"Jack Sparrow holds one of the nine pieces of eight," Barbossa reminded Sao Feng. "He failed to pass it along to a successor before he died! So we must go and get him back."

He wasn't really paying attention to Barbossa, instead staring at something. I followed his gaze and saw that one of the bathhouse men's tattoos had started to run, dripping down his back. "So, you admit...you have deceived me. Weapons!"

"Sao Feng, I assure you," Barbossa said greasily, "our intentions are strictly honorable!"

At that moment, four swords slid through the floorboards, flying into Barbossa and Elizabeth's hands. Sao Feng grabbed the man with the fake tattoo, putting a sword to his throat.

"Drop your weapons or I kill the man!"

Barbossa wasn't fussed. "Kill him, he's not our man."

"If he's not with you, and he's not with us..." Will said slowly. "Who's he with?"

Soldiers from the East India Trading Company burst through the wall, firing guns. It was less and less appealing to remain with my wrists tied to a log. I couldn't find anything to cut the rope, but my hands were pretty small and the rope was thick, too thick to be tied very tightly, and I managed to wrench my hands out through the gaps. Then I ran. I wasn't sure exactly where I should be going, but getting away from the EITC was job one.

As I ran, I saw one of the soldiers had a woman cornered behind one of the market stalls. It was only after I punched the guy that I realized it was Beckett's guy, Mercer, and the woman was one of Sao Feng's handmaids.

As my punch sent Mercer staggering, the woman sprang up and dropkicked Mercer in the face. He crumpled like a piece of tin foil and it looked like he was out cold. Yanking out the steel chopstick embedded in Mercer's flesh, she made to stab him again.

"We should probably get out of here," I said.

"I need to kill him first," she said, as casually as another person might say "I need to put my socks on."

"Can you at least direct me to the nearest ship?"

The woman slashed Mercer across the throat with her razor-sharp chopstick. He gurgled and twitched as blood ran from the wound, and then he was still. "Follow me." She walked very fast. I practically had to skip to keep up.

"My name's Bailey, by the way."

"Lian," she responded curtly, not looking at me.

We made it to the same ship as Will, Liz, Barbossa, and the others. I wasn't sure how they managed to squeeze a ship and a crew out of Sao Feng, but I was glad they did. I had been so sure that this little adventure would end up with all of us dying horribly.


	2. Over the Edge

As we sailed into icy waters, I started bundling Grainne into my vest to keep her warm. She'd grown a lot in the weeks since I first found her, but she was more than willing to try to squeeze in for a little extra warmth. It made me feel a little warmer, too, but not warm enough to keep me from shivering and my teeth from chattering.

"No one said anything about cold," Pintel complained.

"I'm sure there must be a good reason for our suffering," Ragetti said, sounding miserable and a little stuffy.

"Why don't that Obeah woman just bring Jack back the same way she brought back Barbossa?"

"Because Barbossa was only dead," Tia Dalma told them sternly. "Jack Sparrow is taken, body and soul, to a place not of death...but punishment. The worst fate a person can bring upon himself. Stretching on forever. That's what awaits at Davy Jones's Locker."

"There," said Ragetti, "I knew there was a good reason."

Lian was sitting nearby, so quiet that I almost forgot she was there until she said, her eyes darting toward Tia Dalma, "You can bring back the dead?"

"Yes," Tia Dalma replied, "for a price."

I felt too restless and cold to sit still anymore and started walking around (recognizing that she'd be dislodged from her position, Grainne crawled out of my vest to sit on my shoulders). Pintel and Ragetti followed, seeming to have similar thoughts. My wandering brought me toward the stern of the ship, where Will was trying to figure out the map.

"Over the edge...over again. Sunrise sets...flash of green," he muttered. He looked up at Barbossa. "Care to interpret, Captain Barbossa?"

Barbossa looked at Gibbs. "Ever gazed upon the green flash, Master Gibbs?"

"I reckon I've seen my fair share. Happens on rare occasion-at the last glimpse of sunset, a green flash shoots up into the sky. Some go their whole lives without ever seeing it. Some claim to have seen it who ain't. And some say-"

"It signals when a soul comes back to this world," Pintel finished excitedly, "from the dead!" Gibbs glared at him. "Sorry." I giggled; for once, someone else was interrupting Gibbs and on the receiving end of his glare.

"Trust me, young Master Turner," Barbossa drawled. "It's not gettin' to the land of the dead that's the problem. It's gettin' back."

* * *

"Barbossa, ahead!"

"Aye, we're good and lost now," said Barbossa.

"Lost?" Liz repeated.

"For certain, you have to be lost to find a place as can't be found, elseways everyone would know where 'twas."

This made absolutely no sense, but I guess Barbossa was the expert.

"We're gaining speed!" Gibbs said.

"Aye," said Barbossa.

"To stations. All hands to stations!" Will called. "Run a full, hard to port, gather way."

"Nay, belay that! Let her run straight and true!"

Soon we all saw what lay ahead of us: an enormous waterfall. "Blimey!" Ragetti exclaimed. The words that were coming to my mind were considerably less PG.

"Tie her off!" Will called.

"Hard to port!" said Liz.

"Hold on!"

Barbossa was cackling while everyone screamed, and the ship fell into the waterfall.

* * *

I flopped onto the shore. My arms felt like noodles and refused to support me, so I just fell face-first into the sand.

"This truly is a godforsaken place," Gibbs said.

"I don't see Jack," said Liz. "I don't see anyone."

I forced myself to sit up, spitting out sand. "Pluh! Pfluh! Ugh."

"He's here," said Barbossa. "Davy Jones never once gave up that what he took."

"And what does it matter?" said Will. "We're trapped here by your doing, no different than Jack."

Meanwhile, a whole bunch of crabs had clustered at Tia Dalma's feet, slipping under her skirt. She'd picked one of them up, stroking its shell with one finger. "Witty Jack," she said, smiling, "is closer than you think!"

"Impossible!" Tai Huang said.

"Boat," said Ragetti, pointing.

The Black Pearl came coasting over the sand dunes, down the beach and into the sea. It took me a minute to realize that the ship wasn't moving on its own but was, in fact, being carried by a bevy of crabs.

I squinted, shielding my eyes from the sun with one hand. It looked like... On top of the mainmast- No, it couldn't be...

"Slap me thrice and hand me to me mummy, it's Jack!" Gibbs exclaimed.

"It's the captain!" said Pintel.

"A sight for sore eyes! Jack!"

Somehow I had wound up near the back of the group, surrounded on all sides. I tried asking nicely for people to move but they weren't listening. Finally I started shoving people out of the way. Meanwhile, Jack was speaking to Gibbs.

"Mr. Gibbs!"

"Aye, cap'n."

"I thought so. I expect you can account for your actions, then?"

"Sir?" said Gibbs, confused.

"There has been a perpetual and virulent lack of discipline aboard my vessel. Why? Why is that?" Jack demanded.  
Gibbs leaned forward slightly and said, sotto voce, "You're in Davy Jones's locker, Captain."

"I know that. I know where I am. And don't think I don't."

Finally having made my way to the front, I tackled him with a hug that made him go 'oof'. "Jack!" I cried, wrapping my arms around his neck and kissing him. He was oddly unresponsive, just looking at me sadly. "Jack?"

He pulled away from me. "Congratulations!" he said, apparently addressing the sky. "You've outdone yourselves. This one's very convincing. Top notch torture, this is."

"Jack Sparrow," said Barbossa.

"Ah, Hector!" said Jack with a smile, walking on toward him. "It's been too long, hasn't it?"

"Aye, Isla de Muerta, remember?" Barbossa said wryly. "You shot me."

"No I didn't," said Jack. "Ah, Tia Dalma, out and about, eh? You lend an agreeable sense of the macabre to any delirium." Tia gave an unsure smile. "And Lian! Odd, I don't think I've ever seen you without your sist-" Lian looked dour and Jack seemed to realize he'd put his foot in it. "Never mind, pretend I didn't say anything."

"He thinks we're a hallucination," Will stated.

Jack turned his attention towards Will. "William, tell me something. Have you come because you need my help to rescue a certain distressing damsel? Er, damsel in distress? Either one."

"No."

"Then you wouldn't be here. So you can't be here. Q.E.D., you're not really here!"

"Jack, this is real, we're here," said Elizabeth.

He gave her a wary look, then scuttled back towards Gibbs. "The Locker, you say?"

"Aye."

Before I knew it, Jack had me in a bear hug, mumbling something about being sorry for doubting my corporeality. Then he let go of me just enough to start kissing me all over my face. And then Elizabeth interrupted. Jack paused, giving her the most scathing look it is possible to give.

"We've come to rescue you," she declared.

"Have you, now? That's very kind of you," he sneered. "But seeing as I possess a ship and you don't, it seems as though you're the ones in need of rescuing, and I'm not sure as I'm in the mood..."

"I see my ship," Barbossa said, pointing at the Pearl, "right there."

Jack squinted out into the ocean. "Can't spot it. Must be a tiny little thing hiding somewhere behind the Pearl."

"Jack," said Will seriously, as everyone gathered around behind him. "Cutler Beckett has the heart of Davy Jones. He controls the Flying Dutchman."

"He's taking over the seas," Elizabeth chimed in.

"De song has already been sung. De Bredren Court is called," said Tia Dalma.

Jack looked uncomfortable. "Leave you people alone for a minute and look what's happened, everything's gone to pot."

"Aye, Jack," said Gibbs. "The world needs you back something fierce."

"And you need a crew," Will added.

Jack turned around. Everyone backed off, falling into a line again. "Why should I sail with any of you? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past. One of you succeeded." He turned to Tia. "As for you..."

She smiled. "Now, don't tell me you didn't...enjoy it at de time," she said, playing with his little braided beard. I scowled.

Jack gave a grin. My scowl deepened. "All right, fair enough, you're in." He continued down the line. "Don't need you, you scare me," he said to Ragetti. "Gibbs, you can come... Marty... Cotton... Cotton's parrot, I'm a little iffy, but at least I'll have someone to talk to..." He reached Tai Huang. "Who are you?"

"Tai Huang," he said. "These are my men."

"Where do your allegiances lie?"

"With the highest bidder."

Jack grinned. "I have a ship."

Tai shrugged. "That makes you the highest bidder."

"Good man." He turned to his new, improved crew. "Weigh anchor, all hands, prepare to make sail!"

"Jaaack," Barbossa drawled, tapping the charts. "Where ya goin', Jaaack?"


	3. Feuds and Phantoms

**A/N: Sorry it's taken so long to get this chapter up! I've been busy with college (summer classes are squeezed into 4-6 weeks so they are. intense.)**

* * *

Back on the Pearl, Jack and Barbossa were both clamoring to be the one to give the orders.

"Trim that sail!"

"Trim that sail!"

"Slack windward brace and sheets!"

"Slack windward brace and sheets!"

"Haul that pallet line!"

"Haul that pallet line!"

Barbossa turned and glared at Jack with those scary yellowed green eyes of his. "What ARE you doing?"

"What are YOU doing?" Jack demanded.

"No, what ARE you doing?"

"What are YOU doing? Captain gives orders on the ship!"

"The Captain is giving orders," said Barbossa.

"My ship, makes me Captain," said Jack.

"They be my charts," Barbossa insisted.

"That makes you..." Jack tried to think of the word. "_Chart_-man!"

"STOW IT! BOTH OF YOU! THAT'S AN ORDER! UNDERSTAND!?" Pintel roared. Barbossa and Jack both turned to stare at him. Instantly he grew abashed. "Sorry. I just thought, with the captain issue being in doubt, I'd throw my name in for consideration. Sorry."

Still arguing, Barbossa and Jack shuffled up the stairs.

Ragetti nudged Pintel. "I'd vote for ya."

"Yeah?"

"Better you than Barb," I added.

He looked pleased, although still slightly shell-shocked from the experience. Still wanting to watch Jack and Barbossa's comical bickering, I clambered up the stairs and perched on the edge of a crate silently, hoping they would be too absorbed in their fighting to notice me there. Barbossa took out his spyglass, pulled it out to its full length, and looked out toward the front of the boat. Jack took out his own spyglass and pulled it out, finding that it was nowhere near as long as Barbossa's. Frustrated, he kept tugging at it. Barbossa glanced at Jack, smirking. Jack put the telescope away and walked off. I followed him.

"Whatcha doin'?" I asked.

"I have to find a bigger one."

"Are you serious?"

They ought to get it over with and just have an actual dick-measuring contest.

"Are you going to stand there and make faces," said Jack, "or are you going to help?"

"Yeah, all right."

We went below deck and started looking, wandering around peering into any space that could possibly contain a telescope. After about half an hour of this, I started to think we'd never find anything; it looked like Jack was thinking similarly.

"Would you look at that," he said, looking around at the storage closet we were standing in.

"At what?"

"You and I. I and you. Alone. _Together_."

"In a closet," I said. "How romantic."

"Oh, I think it is," Jack said, leaning in closer to me. "Two long-lost paramours, reunited-"

I flung my arms around his neck and kissed him. He stumbled in surprise and, with a crash, both of us fell against one of the shelves on the wall. Something rolled off the top of the shelf, cracked us both on the head, and bounced onto the floor.

"Ow!"

"Bugger."

We looked over at the offending object. It was an enormous telescope. Jack looked delighted and placed it carefully back on the shelf where he could get it later. "Now...where were we?"

"No."

"What do you mean, no?"

"My head is swelling. The moment is gone."

* * *

Below us, just above the water, glowing, ghostlike bodies came floating past. I didn't like it. I found Jack and clung to him. He was surprisingly tolerant of it, probably because it was an excuse to grope me a little.

"Eerie," said Pintel. "Downright macabre."

"Wonder what would happen if you dropped a cannon ball on one of 'em?" Ragetti said thoughtfully, a grin creeping across his face. Pintel grinned back. Immediately, the two of them went to get some cannon balls to try it out for themselves. Of course, they dropped them on the deck when they saw Tia Dalma staring at them.

"Be disrespectful, it would," Pintel said quickly.

"They should be in the care of Davy Jones," Tia said. "That was the duty him was charged with...by the goddess, Calypso. To ferry them who die at sea to the other side. And every ten years, him could come ashore, to be with she who love him, truly. But the man has become a monster."

"So he wasn't always..." Ragetti put his hand up to his face and wiggled it. "Tentacle-y?"

Tia Dalma smiled. "No. Him was a man...once." She touched the silver crab pendant that hung on a delicate chain around her neck.

"Now it's boats comin'." Ragetti pointed out over the rail. I turned to look to see hundreds of people, all in little boats and holding lanterns, drifting slowly as if being pulled forward by a mysterious unseen force. The others came towards the rail to get a look. Gibbs started loading his gun, but Will stopped him.

"They're no threat to us." He looked to Tia. "Am I right?"

"We are nothing but ghosts to them."

"Best just let them be," Barbossa added.

Suddenly, Elizabeth's face lit up. "It's Father! We've made it back!" she cried."Father, here, look here!"

"Elizabeth," said Jack slowly, "we're not back."

A horrorstruck look came over her. "Father!" she cried again.

Finally, he turned to look at her. "Elizabeth! Are you dead?"

"No, no."

"I think I am."

"No, you can't be!"

"There was this chest, you see," Governor Swann explained sadly, as if he couldn't even hear Elizabeth. "And a heart. At the time, it seemed so important..."

"Come aboard!" Elizabeth urged him.

"I learned that if you stab the heart," he continued, "yours must take its place." I noticed that that sentence seemed to perk up Will's attention. "Sail the seas for eternity. The Dutchman must always have a captain. Silly thing to die for..."

"Someone cast a line!"

"A touch," said Tia Dalma slowly to Will, "of destiny."

Marty picked up a rope. Elizabeth snatched it out of his hands and flung it toward her father. "Take the line!"

"Elizabeth," said Governor Swann, "I'm so proud of you."

"Father, the line, take the line!" She ran screaming toward the stern.

"She must not leave the ship!" Tia said urgently. Just about everyone on deck, save for me and Jack, moved to stop her. Will grabbed Elizabeth.

"Father, come back! I won't leave you!" Elizabeth shrieked.

"Elizabeth," said Will.

"I'll give your love to your mother, shall I?" said the Governor vaguely, as he drifted past. Elizabeth buried her face in Will's chest, sobbing.

"Is there a way?" Will asked Tia, as he held Elizabeth.

Tia shook her head slowly. "Him at peace."


	4. Kraken dormiens nunquam titillandus

The midday sun was blazing fiercely down upon us. It felt as though my hair was nearly plastered to my scalp with sweat. I'd already rolled up my sleeves as far as they'd go, but I dared not take off my boots, for fear of the horrible smell that would surely result.

Jack was sitting on a barrel with the map spread in front of him, trying to figure it out. He looked deeply focused on it, so I thought I shouldn't bother him and just sat there watching him. The whole time he'd been gone I never felt at ease for a minute, his absence weighing on my mind. Just having him around was so...nice.

"I can't focus with you staring at me," Jack remarked without looking up from the map.

"Well, I'll leave you be, then," I said. I leaned forward and kissed him lightly on the mouth, then skipped off in the opposite direction. Out of the corner of my eye I could see a rather silly grin spread over his face as he went back to the charts.

A few minutes later, Jack hopped up out of his seat as if his butt were on fire. "Oh! What's that?" Looking alarmed, he ran over to the side of the boat. "What's that? I don't know, what IS that? What do you think?"

"Where?" said Elizabeth.

"There!" He ran over to the other side, making weird noises as he went. Everyone followed him. Then he went to the other side of the ship, and everyone followed him again.

"He's rocking the ship!" Pintel shouted.

"We're rocking the ship!" Gibbs exclaimed.

"Aye, he's onto it!" said Barbossa.

"He's rockin' the ship!" Pintel repeated.

Ragetti came up to Pintel with a rope and a grin. "We'll tie each other to the mast, upside down, so when the boat flips, we'll be the right way up!" They scurried off to the mast, snickering.

"Time it with the swell," Barbossa instructed. Then he went down below, yelling at everyone down there to untie the cargo.

Soon the ship was rocking so much that we all had to run and clutch at the rail to stay on. One poor guy didn't make it and was crushed by a cannon. Everyone winced.

"Now up," said Jack, as the ship slowly began to tip so much that we were hanging off the rail, "is down."

The ship was now underwater. I held my breath. Will started drifting away from the railing. Elizabeth turned to grab him. Soon it felt like my head was going to implode from not breathing. Fortunately, we went through a vortex of some sort, all the water rushing past us, and the Pearl popped up above the surface of the ocean.

Everyone was kneeling down, coughing up water.

"Blessed sweet westerlies, we're back!" said Gibbs.

"Aw, yeah!" I whooped, spitting up some water myself. "All the way to the end of the world and back!"

"It's the sunrise," Elizabeth said faintly, looking up at the sky.

Everyone got to their feet. And then they all pulled out their guns on each other. Jack pointed his at Elizabeth and Barbossa. Will pointed his at Barbossa and Jack. Barbossa pointed his at Will and Jack. Elizabeth pointed hers at Jack and me (so much for our truce). With a sigh, I pointed mine at Elizabeth and Barbossa.

"Can't we all just get along?" I groaned.

Even Jack the monkey pulled a pistol on Cotton's parrot. The parrot squawked, "Parley?"

Suddenly, everyone burst out laughing and lowered their guns. Just as suddenly, they all put them up again.

"All right, then," said Barbossa. "The Brethren Court's a-gatherin' at Shipwreck Cove. And Jack, you and I are a-goin', and there'll be no arguin' that point."

Jack said, "I is arguin' the point. If there's pirate's a-gatherin', I'm pointing my ship the other way."

Elizabeth turned her other pistol on Jack as well. "The pirates are gathering to fight Beckett, and you're a pirate."

"Fight or not, you're not running, Jack," Will added.

"If we don't stand together, they'll hunt us down one by one, 'til there be none left but you."

"I quite like the sound of that," said Jack musingly. "Captain Jack Sparrow, the last pirate." I elbowed him. "Ow! Not counting you, darling."

"Aye, and you'll be fighting Jones alone. And how does that figure into your plan?" said Barbossa.

"I'm still working on that," said Jack. "But I'll not be going back to the Locker, mate. Count on that." He fired his gun at Barbossa, but nothing happened. Everyone tried firing their pistols, but nothing happened with theirs, either.

Gibbs opened his and peered inside. "Wet powder!" he said exasperatedly.

The tense crowd began to disperse. "Wait!" Pintel said, waving his pistol eagerly. "We can still use 'em as clubs!" At this there was a thonk as Ragetti hit Pintel on the head with the butt of his pistol. "Ow!"

"Sorry," said Ragetti. "Effective, though."

There was still the matter of finding water, though. Everyone was starting to get dehydrated. Will spread out the charts over the top of a crate. "There's a freshwater stream on the island. We can resupply there, and get back to shooting each other later."

"Yes, because we're all so terribly excited about it," I said dryly.

To Barbossa, Jack said, "You lead the shore party, and I'll stay with my ship."

"I'll not be leaving my ship in your command," said Barbossa disdainfully.

"How about you both go ashore and leave the ship in my command?" Will suggested. Both looked at him. "Temporarily."

We went ashore in the longboat. Upon stepping onto the beach, just about everyone in the shore party's jaw dropped.

"Criminy!" said Pintel.

"Oddsbodkins," Ragetti breathed.

The body of the Kraken, huge, gray, and dead, lay on the beach, its orangey-amber eyes wide open and staring blankly as sheets of glass. Jack looked almost sad-which, when I thought of it, didn't make sense. Why would he mourn the death of something that had eaten him? Then I realized-he was probably sad because he thought that, if the Kraken could die, anyone could die. Including him.

Barbossa, on the other hand, looked slightly smug. "Still thinkin' of runnin', Jack? Think you can run from the world?"

I went to see what Pintel and Ragetti were doing. Very cautiously, they were approaching the dead Kraken, Pintel armed with a very large stick. "Careful...careful..." said Pintel in a low voice.

"You know what they say. Never tickle a sleeping Kraken," I whispered.

Pintel gave me a look. "We're not intendin' on ticklin' it," he said darkly.

"It's an expression!"

Pintel gave it a good poke. It did not stir. Laughing, he and Ragetti ran up the side of the carcass. "You stupid fish!"

"It's a cephalopod, actually," said Ragetti.

I ran after them.

"We'll charge a shilling to see it," Pintel mused.

"And a shilling for a sketch of 'em sitting at the top!" Ragetti added.

"Pintel and Ragetti, Kraken slayers!"

"Any chance I could get in on this action?" I asked.

"Can ye draw?"

"Yep!"

"You'll do the sketchin', then!" said Ragetti.

"That means I get the shilling we earn from every sketch, right?"

They exchanged reluctant glances. "Well-"

"Oh, come on! That still leaves you with sixpence each. With all the customers we'd get, I'd be sketching my fingers off. I'd earn it."

"Perhaps we could split it evenly three ways?" Ragetti suggested. Pintel smacked him. "Ow!"

We ventured deeper into the forest to find the freshwater stream that Will was talking about. We found it, all right, but it was sort of a mixed bag. Sitting on the riverbank, partially submerged in the water, was a corpse. His clothes and hairstyle seemed the same sort that Sao Feng's men had, which indicated a similar ethnicity, yet his skin was a bloodless alabaster. Barbossa bent down, dipped his finger in the water, and put the finger in his mouth. Then he hastily spat. "Poison. Fouled by the body."

Pintel grabbed the corpse by the shoulders and flipped it over, revealing a grisly sight-a giant spike was shoved into the man's mouth and through the back of his head. "Eeep!" I squealed, instinctively grabbing Jack's wrist. He took my hand in his.

"Hey, I know 'im!" Pintel exclaimed. "He was in Singapore!" Trust Pintel to make a remark like that.

"Capteeeen!" Marty yelled from where he was standing in a tree. We all turned and looked. Back towards the shore, Ragetti was jumping up and down and pointing frantically.

"Oy! We got company!"

Out on the ocean, the Black Pearl had been joined by a boat recognizable as that of Sao Feng. Immediately, all of Tai Heung's men drew their pistols, pointing them at Jack and Barbossa. But mostly at Jack. I noticed that Jack's grip on my hand had become rather tight.

"Uh...he's the captain." He pointed at Barbossa with his free hand.

Barbossa rolled his eyes.


	5. Good Business

**A/N: Once again, apologies for taking such a long time updating. College has a way of eating your life. There's another chapter that's almost ready, though, should be up soon after this one!**

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Climbing back aboard the Pearl, we found that the ship had been taken over by Sao Feng and his men. All the other members of Jack's crew were being restrained.

"Sao Feng, you showing up here, 'tis truly a remarkable coincidence," said Barbossa suspiciously. Jack peered out from where he'd been hiding behind me.

"Jack Sparrow," said Sao Feng distastefully. "You paid me great insult once."

"That doesn't sound like me," said Jack. Sao Feng punched him in the face. Grimacing and holding his nose, Jack said thickly, "We'll just call it square, then?"

"Release her," Will ordered. "She's not part of the bargain."

"And what bargain be that?" said Barbossa.

"You heard Captain Turner!" said Sao Feng. The words were met with laughter from his crew.

"Captain Turner?" said Jack incredulously.

"Aye," said Gibbs bitterly. "The perfidious rotter led a mutiny against us."

"I need the Pearl to free my father," Will stated. "That's the only reason I came on this voyage."

"Why didn't you tell me you were planning this?" Elizabeth demanded.

"He needs the Pearl. CaptainTurner needs the Pearl!" Jack crowed. Turning to Elizabeth - "And you felt guilty." To Barbossa - "And you and your Brethren Court." Opening his arms, he faced the whole crowd. "Did no one come to save me just because they missed me?"

"Oh! Me!" I raised my hand.

Gibbs and Tia exchanged glances, but no one else raised their hand. Slowly, Pintel raised his. Then Ragetti and Marty and Cotton. Finally, Jack the monkey raised his little paw.

"Right, I'm gonna stand over there with them," said Jack. Before he could move, Sao Feng grabbed him by the shoulders.

"I'm sorry, Jack, but there is another old friend that wants to see you first."

"I'm not sure I can survive any more visits from old friends," said Jack weakly.

"Here is your chance to find out," Sao Feng hissed, and some men dragged Jack off by the elbows.

"You agreed," Will said to Sao Feng. "The Black Pearl was to be mine!"

"And so it was," said Sao Feng. He nodded to some of his men, who punched Will in the stomach and started putting him in chains. It didn't seem like the Pearl was going to be Sao Feng's, either. A bunch of EITC soldiers started boarding the Pearl. Sao Feng did not look pleased. "Beckett agreed. The Black Pearl was to be mine."

"Shame they're not bound to honor the code of the Brethren, isn't it?" said Barbossa. "Because honor's a hard thing to come by, nowadays."

It was really hard to care or pay attention, knowing that Jack was somewhere else in the company of "old friends," which I was pretty sure was synonymous with "someone that wants to kill him."

"There is no honor to remaining with the losing side," Sao Feng replied darkly. "Leaving it for the winning side...is just good business."

"The losing side, you say?"

"They have the Dutchman. Now the Pearl! And what do the Brethren have?"

"We have ~Calypso~," said Barbossa. He said it just like that, with tildes.

"Calypso," Sao Feng scoffed. "An old legend."

"No," said Barbossa. "The goddess herself, bound in human form. Imagine, all the power of the seas brought to bear against our enemy. I intend to release her, but for that I need the Brethren Court." He picked up the pendant on a necklace Sao Feng was wearing. "Allthe Court." He yanked the necklace off Sao Feng's neck.

"How do we have Calypso, though?" I asked. "From what I know of deities, they don't really like being told what to do." Everyone ignored me.

"What are you proposing, Captain?" Sao Feng said.

"What be ye accepting, cap'n?"

"The girl," said Sao Feng, staring intently at Liz.

"What?" Liz exclaimed.

"Elizabeth is not part of any bargain," Will said tersely.

"Out of the question," Barbossa told Sao Feng.

"It was not a question!"

"Done," said Liz.

Will looked shocked. "What? Not done!"

"You got us into this mess," Liz snapped. "If this is what frees us, then done!"

"Elizabeth, they are pirates."

"I have had more than enough experience dealing with pirates!"

"Then," said Barbossa slyly, "we have an accord?"

Sao Feng left with Elizabeth. Suddenly, Jack came soaring across the ship. It looked like he was going to fall over the side and we all ran to look.

"And that was without a single drop of rum!" Jack boasted. I turned around. He was on top of the bow, leaning against one of the lanterns.

"Jack!" I ran to him as he hopped down. "Oh gosh, I was so worried. Also, that was incredible."

He slung an arm around my shoulders, pulling me close to him and giving me a kiss on the forehead. "Nicest thing anyone's said to me all day." Meanwhile, Pintel and Ragetti went up on either side of Will and grabbed him. Jack gave Will a scathing look. "Send this pestilent traitorous yeasty codpiece to the brig."

After we made sail, there wasn't much to be done, so we had some time on our hands. Even with ownership of the Pearl still up in the air, Jack had staked claim over the cabin and Barbossa had become too exasperated to argue with him at the moment. So that's where we ended up, just sort of. Hanging out. For a while we didn't even say anything, just sat tangled up in one another.

"I think," I said, "I'd be pretty happy just staying like this indefinitely."

"I don't know,Ican think of a couple other things we ought to try," Jack said wryly.

So we tried them. And then after we were cuddling again, just with considerably less clothing involved.

Jack stared into my eyes. I stared back into his. Both of our eyes were wide open, unblinking. And then Jack blew into mine. Instantly I blinked, rubbing my eyes. "Cheater!"

"Do I even need to say it?" Jack snickered. "Pirate."

"Cheat, cheat, never beat," I insisted.

"Obviously that isn't true, because I just did beat you," said Jack.

"Cheater."

"Sore loser."

"Cheater."

"Sore loser."

"Cheater. I demand a rematch."

"You're on."

And so we began another staring contest. I could tell he was about to try to blow in my face again, so before he could, I grabbed hisface, his cheeks smushed between my thumb and other fingers "Oh, no you don't!" He tried to squirm out of my grip and, failing that, and grabbed my face in the same way.

"Hah! How do you like it?" His speech was slightly impaired by the smushed-ness.

We both got a good look at one another. Jack looked ridiculous, his mouth forced into a pucker. I probably looked just as weird. We both burst out laughing, letting go of one another's faces in the process.

"Ah, Bailey," Jack sighed, wiping a tear of laughter from the corner of his eye, "I do love you."

"Mmm," I said, still not entirely recovered from the laughing.

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"That you love me."

"What's with the urgency?"

"Just say it."

"And if I don't?" I teased.

Jack wiggled his fingers in front of my face. "Unspeakable methods of torture." I remained silent, wondering what the "torture" was. He sighed. "You give me no choice." He began ticking me, ruthlessly. He tried all the places on a person that are usually ticklish – armpits, stomach, bottoms of the feet. It was the feet that were worst for me. I started laughing uncontrollably.

"Stop!" I choked out.

"Say it and I'll leave you alone."

"I love you! Okay? Geez!"

He tickled me even harder. "How much?"

"You said you'd leave me alone!" But he didn't. Trying not to pee my pants with laughter, I said, "Alright, more than...more than Barbossa loves apples. More than Beckett loves screwing people over."

"That's a lot," said Jack, sounding pleased.

"Yes, it is, a thaisce. Now your turn. How much?"

"What was that?"

"Um. It's Irish. It means 'my treasure,'" I said, feeling embarrassed. "But don't change the subject! How much?"

Jack scratched his chin, thinking. "Same."

"Oh, come on. That's cheap."

"Yes, it is, isn't it?"

"Humph." I folded my arms. Jack snuggled up against me and slid his arms around me underneath mine.

"You're my treasure, too," he said softly. "My - what was it? Thaisce. I've been all around the world and been with all sorts of women-"

"Ahem. This is supposed to be about me, not your skirt-chasing adventures," I interrupted.

"It was still about you!" Jack protested. "My point was, I've done all of that and still I don't think there's anyone else quite like you."

"Wow," I said after a moment. "Yours ended up a lot more meaningful than mine. You goddamn one-upper."

"So," said Jack, "Irish, eh? Are you fluent?"

"Haha, no," I said. "Ma wanted me to learn, but it never really happened. I've just picked up the things she says a lot. Can't hold a conversation, but I could tell someone to fuck off."

"She sounds delightful."

"Oh, yeah, a real barrel of monkeys."


End file.
